THE CATFIGHT OF THE CENTURY!
by Locke Alexander Cole
Summary: R for language, Tifa and Aeris get at it while Cloud watches, a fun and delightful ending. :D You'll see what type of basher I am.
1. The Catfight of the Century

*Horns sound* And now presenting!  
*The horns die down* THE CAT FIGHT OF THE CENTURY!  
  
Cloud *Cloud is standing in the middle of Nibelheim, seeing the girls  
approach* o.o;; "Oh no, please don't tell me that . . ."  
  
Tifa *stomps over to Cloud's right*  
  
Cloud *winces* "I wish this wouldn't happen."  
  
Aeris *Steps up to Cloud's left*  
  
Cloud "Can't we all just get along?"  
  
Aeris *raises a hand*  
  
Cloud *backs away a few steps* Ack o.o *leans against the nearest  
building to watch the fight*  
  
Aeris *her hand whips through the air, a sharp smack heard when it  
contacts Tifa's face*  
  
Tifa *with a red slap mark on her face* "BITCH!" *rears back her hand*  
  
Aeris *also rears her hand*  
  
*They both bitch slap each other at the same time, falling over*  
  
Aeris and Tifa "Ough!"  
  
Cloud *gets some popcorn*  
  
Aeris *she gets up from the ground, brushing the dirt from her dress*  
"Get back up, you slut!"  
  
Tifa *she backflips to her feet, nailing Aeris in the chin with a   
foot*  
  
Aeris "OW!" *she takes a "cat" position"*  
  
Tifa *goes face to face with Aeris* "What are you gonna do about it,  
wuss?"  
  
Aeris *her hands start to slash across tifa's face*  
  
Tifa "OW!" *her face full of scratch marks, she pulls Aeris's hair*  
  
Aeris "YOU WHORE!" *grabs Tifa's hair as well, pulling tight*  
  
*both of them start ripping each others hair out, half-ignoring the   
pain*  
  
Cloud "Woohoo! Go girls go!"  
  
*Tifa and Aeris turn to Cloud*  
  
Cloud *eyes narrow with fear, he says in a small voice* "eep"  
  
*the two girls jump onto cloud, barraging him with punches and   
scratches*  
  
Cloud "OW OW OW OW OW OW OW"  
  
*They start yanking his hair as hard as they can, it cracking in their  
hands because he's used so much gel*  
  
Cloud "MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!" *pushes the girls off and runs  
away crying*  
  
*the girls stand, and shake each other's hands*  
  
Aeris Next time, lets just beat up Cloud. *she smirks*  
  
Tifa Agreed!  
  
*and so the two girls start chasing after cloud*  
  
~* The End *~  
:D 


	2. The Beating of the Times

(Disclaimer - I like Cid, but he has a huge potty mouth and deserves to be smashed for once. :D)  
Drums sound *BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!*  
And Now! Trumpets Sound The Beating of the Times  
  
~The Scene- 7th Heaven Bar  
  
Cloud *has forgotten all about his beating earlier, and has reconstructed his hair*  
  
Tifa *An evil smiles is across her face as she's serving a drink to Cloud, hiding the face from him*  
"Here you go Cloud."  
  
Aeris *A mischievious grin comes across her face as she sees Tifa serving Cloud a drink*  
  
Cloud *totally unaware of what's going on, he just wants a drink or two* Thanks Tifa, *downs the drink  
quickly* Keep em coming.  
  
*For about 10 minutes, Cloud keeps going on like this, him not inebriated yet because the alcohol hasn't made it all the way through his system.*  
  
Yuffie *skips her merrily way into the tavern* "Hiya everyone!"  
  
Aeris "Hi Yuffie"  
  
*Around five minutes later, Cloud's speech is heavily slurred, and Cid has come in and had a few drinks  
by now*  
  
Cid "Dear god, how much did Cloud have?"  
  
Tifa *just shrugged*  
  
Cloud *stumbles around, leaning on Cid* "How ya do *hic* in' there, beautifulie?  
  
Cid WHAT THE &^@$ IS UP WITH CLOUD, GET OF ME YOU GOD #^!^@# HOMO.  
  
Cloud "I...er *hic* wasn't talking to you, I was talking to one of these fine . . eleventeen girlsies *hic*  
  
Cid "Lets get you in bed, you need to sleep"  
  
Cloud "NOO!" *starts weakly punching Cid in the arm, his punch movements looking pitifully sick*  
  
Cid "Can one of you fine ladies help me escort Cloud to his room?"  
  
Yuffie "I guess I'll help"  
  
*Cid and Yuffie drag Cloud outside, Aeris and Tifa followed them out, waiting at the door to the bar*  
  
Cid "After we brink this lug to bed, how do ya say I drag ya into my bed?" *he then grabs Yuffie's  
ass*  
  
Yuffie "EWW EWW EWWWWWWWW, GET AWAY FROM ME" *she pushes Cid onto the   
ground, Cloud awake from his hitting the ground*  
  
Cloud "Wha? Ooo pretty mama." *Cloud then grabs Yuffie's ass, it also followed by a shove from  
Yuffie*  
  
Tifa *wish a smirk on her face* "Shall we help, Aeris?"  
  
Aeris "Oh lets!" *her face wide with a grin*  
  
*Cloud and Cid both on the ground, start to back away while down there, trying to get away*  
  
Yuffie "OH NO YOU TWO DON'T"  
  
*Aeris and Tifa both walk down next to Yuffie*  
  
Tifa "So, who holds them, and who beats them? Or should we just have a free for all?"  
  
Yuffie "Free for all!"  
  
Aeris "Free for all!!"  
  
Tifa "All right then"  
  
*the three girls leap into the air, smashing into Cloud and Cid, the two men cowering with fear*  
  
Tifa *starts early, ripping at Cloud's hair*  
  
Aeris *Has out a club, whipping it inbetween Cloud an Cid's heads*  
  
Yuffie *Just gives it her all, pounding her fists into their stomachs, each with a fist in it.*  
  
Cloud "Ack, NOOO, MY HAIR" *starts to cry and scream like a little girl*  
  
Cid *hacking from getting belted in the head and stomach* "OOOUUUGH!"  
  
Tifa *Cloud's hair finally breaks in her hands, her having ripped it into millions of tiny little shards*  
  
Aeris *stops, having beaten the two nearly unconsious, but Cloud is still a little awake*  
  
Cloud *squeals* "MY HAIR, MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR" *whimpers, and contines to scream like a girl  
until he's knocked out*  
  
Cid *became unconsious around Aeris's Fifth or Sixth hit, it long gone into Lala land*  
  
Yuffie *stuffs her fist in Cloud's stomach one last time before backing off* Don't you EVER, and I   
mean NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.  
  
*And so, with Cid and Cloud busted up and unconsious in the middle of the clearing, the girls go back   
into the 7th Heaven to relax.*  
  
*~End~*  
:D  
(Note: For people who critical and have no common sense, Tifa and Aeris turned on Cloud because they   
realized he was just using them for an entertainment purpose at the time, also, that was my first   
fanfic, and everyone else seemed to like it :D) 


End file.
